Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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