The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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