Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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