i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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