I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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