Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
