i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
