so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
