let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
