Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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