i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
not ubering you a puppy
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
