she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
