I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
