i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
