thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
