i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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