Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
