i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
