you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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