Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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