I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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