You smell like a Billy Joel song
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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