Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
