There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
