Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
