As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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