but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
