can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
