There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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