I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
