Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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