its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
