she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
