Four minutes until I can fart!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
