i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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