Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
