she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
