i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
