I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
