i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
