That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
