Will you blow on my dice?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Damn victory sex feels great
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
