I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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