can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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