The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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