He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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