You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
