for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
