Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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