ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
