I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
