to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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