I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Too much gin, very little bucket
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
