im drinking this country out of the recession.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
