i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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