Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
