Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
