so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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