I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
