The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
