If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
