making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
