How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
