Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
