The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
