Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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