Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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