there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
