I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Randomize