Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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