There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
All I want is dick and wine.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
