I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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